whoredinarygirl:

whose dick do i have to suck to make sure i can get into a college debt-free?

rich people’s

bewbin:

bro0ks:

bewbin:

Ok so on the one hand you have the minutes but on the other hand u have hours

What about the seconds

Oh no I couldn’t eat another bite I am just stuffed

baionce:

i thought cannibalism was illegal 

baionce:

i thought cannibalism was illegal 

mudblood228:

quinoaok:

friend: “ugh sorry my room is so messy this is embarrassing”

image

image

"dude I actually cleaned up a little bit for you"

twlboaj:

on a scale from Matilda to Carrie how well do you handle having telekinesis and terrible parents

reichsstadt:

I am secretly a “45”-year old white woman who wears off-white cashmere with relationship troubles and a six-figure salary. My life is narrated by R&B hits from the 70s and a sultry male voice to highlight the folly of my failed romantic endeavors. 

Choice songs: “Best of My Love” by The Emotions and “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross, with the occasional flair of Stevie Wonder

image

image

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texas-red-dirt-sunset:

introbulus:

one-hamburger:

dicksp8jr:

fionaaelizabeth:

If corals get stressed they die, so if I was coral I would be dead 

what do coral even get stressed about

Current events

I sea.

guys, i work at an aquarium and my coworkers and i have literally laughed at this for three days straight. everytime we pass each other we whisper “current events” and crack up. our customers think we are nuts.

taki118:

hecallsmepineappleprincess:

allen-francis:

maggins:

faeries-everywhere:

when is it going to be the other way round

does this count?

Oh, I think that one counts. 

It definitely counts.

I think it also happened with Ariel but Mulans is better